my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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