if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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