He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
