Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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