Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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