I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
