Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
