when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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