I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize