i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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