i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
