I feel great
I just peed on a car
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
