why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
