thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
