the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
