Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
