We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
