Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
