Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
