i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
