So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
