nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
this hospital has no fireball
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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