I need help removing her.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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