Your mouth is God's brothel.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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