sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
