Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
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