Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
