But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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