I am puke
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
