I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
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