took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
