my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
