I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize