The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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