Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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