Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
