Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
