No awkward lesbian experiences without me
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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