i permit you to call me
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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