i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize