Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
