What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
