I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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