so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
