There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
