he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
