If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
