Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
