So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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