my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
