either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Randomize
