If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
