just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
