I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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