I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
