Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
