We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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