In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
