Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
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