I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize