I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
The maid of honor just puked.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Randomize
