why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
