You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
