i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
