I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
