At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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