Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Randomize
