I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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