how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
