I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
