i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Someone came in the potted fern
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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