i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
