I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
