Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
