I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
