The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
