I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
