Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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